Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We have started to decorate penises.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
