That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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