I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
