He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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