I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
