just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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