We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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