so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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