im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
