why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
