would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
