I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
