i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We have started to decorate penises.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
