found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
