Sponge bath it is.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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