True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
