Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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