it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
