just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
