it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
