I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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