my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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