I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
