i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
