I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
