He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
