How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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