are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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