the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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