I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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