I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
