can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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