i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Randomize
