i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
