I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
