i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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