So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
