omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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