I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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