i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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