Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
