a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
