help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
