Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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