My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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