I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
