remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
