So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
