Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We have started to decorate penises.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
