someone get that fucking seahorse.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
