so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
